It’s None of Your Business What Others Think About You by Meditation Teacher Training graduate Kelly Coker

Kelly Coker is a graduate of The Path’s Meditation Teacher Training program.

Years ago, I sat on a Skype meeting at work with a mentor of mine during a 9 week program on growing your leadership skills from your seat. This mentor was highly regarded, a PhD, author and someone holding a position within our organization that influenced and inspired so many. She spoke with such confidence and conviction. In that meeting as we were casually discussing leadership and the impact we have the ability to make, she said point blank in response to a comment I made, - “It’s none of your business what other people think of you.” I sat there in my office while on camera stunned. I didn’t really know how to respond. How could it not be any of my business what others thought of me?? It was me, my character, my reputation, how I carried myself through this life - so how could it not be any of my business?

As an empath, and someone who genuinely cares for and feels for others, I felt like this would be an impossible feat. Little did I know it had nothing to do with that, and everything to do with my ego.

“It’s none of your business what others think about you.” It would be a statement I would never forget and would think of quite often, but it would take close to eight years before I could really understand, but also accept this statement and the reality of it for what it was. I went through all of my schooling wanting to be liked. I never needed to be the most popular, but I always wanted to be liked and accepted. I wanted to be liked within the workplace. I wanted to be liked in the extracurriculars I was engaged in. I wanted to be liked in the military community I was a part of. I never really knew what was at the core of all of that, but it had something with needing to prove myself good enough, needing to feel worthy.

Years later, I would be enrolled in a meditation teacher training course with The Path, and the founder and course facilitator, Dina Kaplan, said quoting, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the founder of Art of Living, during one of our classes, “don’t be a football for someone else’s opinion of you”. There it was again. Years later, a different phrase, but the same message.

I strive to be a good person, living honestly, with kindness, and a respect for others, and yet still, I cared how I made others feel, and I cared what they thought of me. Time and time again I would learn these lessons the hard way. I would do the right thing, think before speaking, consider everyone’s feelings and perspectives, try to be fair and somehow, I felt like I would end up falling short. Feeling like I did the wrong thing, somehow, while also feeling like my boundaries were somehow violated, and that I must have wronged someone, in someway. I would walk into rooms and think I was being judged, talked about or criticized. What in the world was all this about? Why did I care so much?

It was during my meditation teacher training and let’s say with age and experience - this perfect storm, that I finally started to realize as time went on and experiences were had, that ultimately you can do everything in your power to try to make somebody feel welcome, respected, heard, cared for, and still be seen as a villain in their eyes, or as not good enough, or a dozen other things that a simply not true. And you know what? It’s really not even about you. More often than not, it is about them. It’s about their own deeply rooted insecurities, views, or judgments that have been made about them along the way that gets projected out into the universe. It would deeply bother me, and sometimes still does, when injustice is imposed on me or other others. But I needed to learn how to let it go. I needed to not care. I needed to be freed from those shackles.

When you start realizing it’s not about you and, quite frankly - none of your business, you can start looking at others as if they were a child, giving them a little more compassion and recognize this isn’t your battle to fight. You cannot and will not make everyone happy. You cannot and will not be everyone’s cup of tea. And it really is none of your business what other people think of you. When you can really start embracing this concept and believing it in a way that does not frighten you, it can actually free you. It can allow you to live a life of joy, a life of equanimity, a life of freedom.

So remember when you walk into that party and start thinking others are talking about you - it’s none of your business.hing, somehow, while also feeling like my boundaries were somehow violated, and that I must have wronged someone, in someway. I would walk into rooms and think I was being judged, talked about or criticized. What in the world was all this about? Why did I care so much?

It was during my meditation teacher training and let’s say with age and experience - this perfect storm, that I finally started to realize as time went on and experiences were had, that ultimately you can do everything in your power to try to make somebody feel welcome, respected, heard, cared for, and still be seen as a villain in their eyes, or as not good enough, or a dozen other things that a simply not true. And you know what? It’s really not even about you. More often than not, it is about them. It’s about their own deeply rooted insecurities, views, or judgments that have been made about them along the way that gets projected out into the universe. It would deeply bother me, and sometimes still does, when injustice is imposed on me or other others. But I needed to learn how to let it go. I needed to not care. I needed to be freed from those shackles.

When you start realizing it’s not about you and, quite frankly - none of your business, you can start looking at others as if they were a child, giving them a little more compassion and recognize this isn’t your battle to fight. You cannot and will not make everyone happy. You cannot and will not be everyone’s cup of tea. And it really is none of your business what other people think of you. When you can really start embracing this concept and believing it in a way that does not frighten you, it can actually free you. It can allow you to live a life of joy, a life of equanimity, a life of freedom.

So remember when you walk into that party and start thinking others are talking about you - it’s none of your business.