Self Compassion for Transgender Men - by Thies Dassen, in The Path’s 2026 Meditation Teacher Training program

Meditation Teacher Training student Thies Dassen on Self-Compassion for transgender men (compared to cisgender men)

This is a beautiful reflection from current Meditation Teacher Training student Thies Dassen on self-compassion for transgender men:

“I think what makes self-compassion challenging for me is not because of me, it’s because of the systems we live in. I think it can be a powerful tool for capitalism to never believe you are good enough. This way you are always striving for more; more clothes, a better job, a better car, etc. I think by growing up in this kind of society, worldwide, seeing people or countries that are doing better than us and thus forcing ourselves to ‘be better’ is at the root of the lack of self-compassion in a lot of people. This is especially more prominent in women, as women grow up with the sense that they are not enough by their environment looking down on them, and continuing to view themselves this way with imposter syndrome in their careers. I think that is why self-compassion is challenging for me. Because I was told I had to be better, and ended up stuck in the loop of comparison.

However, I am learning that I am enough in the exact way that I am. I am learning to appreciate better the qualities that I have, rather than ponder the qualities that I do not (yet) have. Same with possessions and people around me.

I used to find it easier to be nice to others and not to myself. This is also the way in which we are raised in (Western) society, especially as women. To always be kind to other people, especially men. Even when they mistreat you. This kind of behaviour is interesting to view in transgender men compared to cisgender men (men that were born male). From my own personal experience, trans men tend to be way more polite and prone to ‘people-pleasing’ compared to cisgender men. That in itself is interesting to study, however not the point of my answer!

I am learning to set boundaries when it comes to everyone around me. Seeing as we all inter-are, and therefore I am the equal to everyone around me, I too deserve all the love and kindness in the world. And I am striving for that!

I don’t believe I am unworthy of self-compassion. There is this tiny nudge whenever I do choose for myself that I am being selfish, as per usual for people who grow up as women in this society. I do have to say, a couple of years ago, me choosing for myself had me believing that I was narcissistic, so feeling a little bit selfish compared to that I determine great achievement!”