The Comparison Trap by Meditation Teacher Training student Thies Dassen (in France)

Meditation Teacher Training student Thies Dassen

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” This is a very well-known saying in our Western society. What is lesser-known, however, is the heaviness that can come with comparison, silently slipping away through the cracks of everyday life. 

See, Buddhism teaches us that suffering is often related to craving. And craving, a lot of the time, is fueled by our lovely friend, comparison. What is your comparison? Is it status, wealth? Fashion? Physical attributes? Sometimes, we don’t even realize we are comparing ourselves, or our things, because it isn’t always that obvious. For me personally, my greatest comparison used to lie in social relations. But not in the FOMO way that is commonly referred to in our society.

It was never: do I have enough friends? Am I liked by the people around me? Instead, it was: do I have enough deep connections around me? Are the people around me really good people?

These questions are useful to ask, in certain circumstances. Sometimes, it can be of high priority to change the people around us, when they encourage behavior we do not want to associate with. However, when this becomes an obsessive thing, of only wanting to surround yourself with better people, have the deepest bonds, and exclude everyone else around you, be careful; you might be falling into the comparison trap!

The antidote? Gratitude. By starting to appreciate the people around me more, I realized that everyone is different, and no one is perfect. Thus, as long as the people I surround myself with make me feel good about myself, whether it be one, two, or ten friends, I am truly blessed. Quality, not quantity.

Luckily, this antidote works against all forms of comparison. To be grateful for your apartment, even if it is smaller than your neighbor’s. To be grateful for your closet, even when the 50 t-shirts still make you feel like you have nothing to wear today. To be grateful for literally anything, all the time, because comparison will only rob us of what is truly important: living life, in the here, and in the now.