The Need To Be Right

“The most satisfying feeling in the world is when I am wrong!” 

Said no one — ever. Well perhaps a few people — and to those chosen few, I salute you. I am definitely not naturally one of them.

In our sangha for graduates of The Path’s Meditation Teacher Training course, we have each taken a challenge to bring ourselves towards well-being by shifting one pattern — and then holding ourselves accountable for the challenge each day in a small text message group.

My challenge was ... you guessed it, the need to be right. 

It has been a simultaneously frustrating, exciting, and rewarding experience, and I highly recommend it.

It's not that I need everything I say, think, or do to be right.

But when I have done everything that’s been asked of me, and I’ve been patient, understanding, and even flexible — and I’m met with lies, disrespect, disregard, and hostility — it’s infuriating!

If I'm being honest, or keeping it a "buck", as the kids would say, I suspect that my anger may stem from my actions in certain scenarios being treated as horrible, self-serving , and malevolent , and being in complete and utter shock that my actions in that moment don't even directly benefit me. It could also be that I’m confused about how people can live with so much dissonance and disillusion. Because I've never been. (sarcasm!!)  

The more I think about it, my suffering may come from a time when the math ain't mathin' — when things just don’t add up. 

Perhaps it stems from all the injustice in the world that we currently inhabit.  

Access to technology is at an all time high, and we are inundated with an unhealthy amount of tragedy and despair around the globe, including right at our fingertips. It feels like we never get a breather. 

'It's not fair," It's not right, "I wish I could stop ___ but I can't." 

It's very easy to get lost at sea and to dwell on feelings of powerlessness. 

However, we are far from powerless. Realizing I have the power to simply notice a situation, to not get sucked in, or to "swallow the poison," as Dina Kaplan would eloquently put it, quoting Jack Kornfield. When I miss the mark, I can reframe it from that person or scenario making me feel a certain way — to ‘that situation was difficult, but I chose to respond’ with freedom and choice.

I am not saying there aren't times to step in, take a stand, and intervene. 

But can I help anyone if I'm constantly shouldering that load of being right,? It does get pretty  heavy. 

This is my food of thought for today, and I hope it tasted good. 

Peace and Blessings, 

Brendan Taylor